The Crisis of Quidditch Adolescence


As the new season begins, we must once again ingratiate new players into our sport. What better way than with a quick stroll down memory lane, courtesy of the most wonderful means of record keeping: the GIF. We have compiled our list of the top ten quidditch GIFs of all time for your enjoyment, complete with a short synopsis for those unfamiliar with their backstories.

10) A Delayed Hurl

We are contractually obligated to include an MLQ GIF by our editor-in-chief. Attempting to return fire after being dunked on by Chris Barnard, Shane Hurlbert sees three unguarded hoops, a bludger on the ground and no attempt from Ryan Sparks to play defense. However, he doesn’t account for Jim Richert tagging up and diving for the bludger. Those in #IQAforums know Richert is known to scramble for “dank” and relevant memes to post first in comments, so Hurlbert should have expected a similar scramble to prevent an easy goal. – Eric Wasser

9) World Snitching Entertainment

At least he set him down gently.
Like a beautiful ballerina, Lone Star Quidditch Club seeker Josh Carroll is lifted into the air effortlessly by snitch Dilan Freeman. Freeman, like a true gentleman, lets Carroll down carefully, so as not too bruise his tailbone or his ego. Points are awarded for tenacity, as Carroll dutifully remains mounted and immediately re-engages pursuit before being beat by a Cavalry beater and sent back to hoops. The only thing that could possibly have made this GIF better would be a face-beat to top it all off; sadly bludger to torso contact keeps this from climbing higher on our list. – Wasser

8) Accio Broom

The NYDC Capitalists were only good for one thing, and it is this amazing GIF set. Here, seeker Alex Linde falls off his broom, yet continues play and catches Canadian snitch Matthew Bunn a good half second later in a game against McGill University’s B-team. In a bout of quick thinking, Linde raises the snitch tail triumphantly to distract the refs from his other hand, which is picking up his fallen broom 2 feet away. Once safely secured, Linde rises up as if nothing ever happened and even has the audacity to make a celebratory broom-drop, as if he was tired from having been on it THE WHOLE TIME. Well done Linde, you fooled a country that didn’t even make their refs take a test last year. – Jayke Archibald

7) The World’s “Nicest” Alley-Oop

Boston’s favorite son, Jon Jackson, has never been one to hog the spotlight. After stunning University of Virginia’s point defender with his dashing good looks, Jackson blows past him for what could be an easy breakaway. However, seeing Devin Sandon returning from what we can only assume was a leisurely 5k run to assuage the boredom of what would be a 200-point victory, Jackson decides to “do it for the Gfycat” and dish out a perfect alley-oop to the only person in quidditch friendlier than himself. – Wasser

6) Kenny Hustle

Back when Team USA could actually tackle, we have this gem from the 2014 Global Games match against the UK. Streaking down the field on a bludger-less breakaway, the Team UK chaser prepares for a dunk. Yet Kenny Chilton, having been beat and out of play, is not ready to concede a goal that easily. In an amazing display of skill, he races back, tags up, and destroys the chaser all in one motion that takes less than a half second and is later dubbed “Kenny’s Midnight Ride”. Truly extraordinary. It only begs one question, which may never be answered: why didn’t the UK chaser just shoot it? – Archibald

5) Zebra Hunting

While this GIF is only my second favorite result from last year’s nationals, it is clearly the best thing to come from a Tufts University game. Poor Nik Jablonski, exhibiting perfect head ref positioning, gets beaned by a Chris Seto throw-back to engage a 1.5 offensive drive. Jablonski takes the bludger square in the face, which knocks off his hat yet miraculously leaves his sunglasses intact. Ever the true professional, he recovers immediately and gets back into the play, putting his whistle to his mouth before his hat has even hit the ground. Truly inspirational reffing, Jablonski! – Archibald

4) The Zebra Strikes Back

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After a rough couple of months in quidditch, it seems Hurlbert finally had enough this past weekend. Not content with his bone crushing hits at keeper, Hurlbert took it upon himself to dish out some pain from Team Zebra. After a shot from his ‘old’ team University of Rochester went wide, Hurlbert’s “no goal” signal turned into a full blown clothesline on a dismounted Syracuse chaser. The chaser goes down hard, and Hurlbert makes the greatest “oh my god what have I done?” face before standing over the player and blowing play dead to see if he is ok. If that’s not Hurlbert’s best defenseless receiver hit, I don’t know what is. – Archibald

3) Simon Airends

In an appropriate representation of Lone Star’s offensive philosophy, this iconic gif opens with Ethan Banner walking away from the direction of play, leaving Stephen Bell and Simon Arends to deal with the University of Maryland’s defense on their own. Facing one bludger and a missing keeper, Bell opts to channel his inner Matt Stafford and telegraph a long pass with a three-quarter release point. Unmarked and unafraid, Arends throws down a filthy alley-oop that must have eliminated any hope Maryland ever had of ending Harry Greenhouse’s collegiate career with a win. – Wasser

2) Duques of Hazard

Here we have the best beater play ever recorded on film. University of Texas (and Team USA) beater Michael Duquette stands waiting by Lone Star seeker Jon Ruland, with Lone Star beater Ethan Banner bearing down on him, bludger in hand. As the whistle blows to release the seekers, Duquette turns and beats Ruland before calmly turning back and catching the bludger already in flight at him from Banner. Then, he tosses his bludger over Banner’s head to his partner, Hallie Pace,who catches it in stride and beats him out while Duquette casually picks up his original bludger—all while right in front of the camera, in snitch range, in the Southwest Regional finals. Hats off, Duquette and Pace! – Archibald

1) Cinderella’s Hoop

It is impossible to sum up the 2013-14 Lost Boys team better than in this GIF. After blowing through the group stage at World Cup VII, the Lost Boys’ first round bracket game is against LSU. Yawn. Another 200 point blowout and a quick trip to the sweet sixteen is clearly in store. Yet the ghosts of quidditch past, Jason Winn and Kneiling, had something to say about that — and when the snitch returns to the pitch, the game is somehow within range. Clearly seeker Steve DiCarlo will bail them out though, right? Wrong. Here, his wild chase of the snitch ends with his losing control and absolutely demolishing one of the hoops, taking it down with him in a scene of carnage Vin Diesel would be proud of. With his body and his pride smarting, DiCarlo can’t make the catch, LSU wins and the Lost Boys utter collapse is complete. – Archibald

BONUS: Opposite Produce


While DiCarlo demolishing the hoops tops our list of quidditch GIFs, it doesn’t even top his own personal library. That honor falls to this reminder of his starring role on the show Opposite Worlds, a reality TV show mix between Stargate SG-1 and Big Brother that introduced the quidditch world to Frank, the most lovable hulk of man muscle west of Brad Armentor. Here, DiCarlo finds himself tied to a pole hoping his teammates will protect him as the opponents throw rotten tomatoes at him. In a scene eerily reminiscent to the Los Angeles Guardians at the 2016 MLQ Championship, DiCarlo’s defense leaves him out to dry, and his face pays the price. – Archibald







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