Submission: Because Crescent Rolls

The Eighth Man welcomes letters to the editor and article submissions from the general public on our website. These articles do not reflect the thoughts and opinions of The Eighth Man. Send your work to editors@eighthman.com. This submission is by Emily Hickmott, pastry connoisseur and a tournament director for the Crescent City Invitational.

In anticipation of the Crescent City Invitational, we’ve compiled a list comparing our attending teams to different pastries. We hope it rises to the occasion and really bakes you happy. 

Texas Hill Country Heat: Beignets
The current No. 1 team in the country, Texas Hill Country Heat can best be compared to the beignet. Beignets are served fresh from the fryer with heaps of powdered sugar. They are a sweet treat that brings the heat. Much like beignets, Heat has ties to New Orleans since they have absorbed some of the local player base. Heat boasts a talented roster filled with USNT players across its core. The squad’s strength comes from its flexibility. This season, they have thrown out dual male sets, dual female sets and mixed sets at beater and have proven successful with all of them.  In the entirety of Heat’s tenure as a team, they have never failed to make the final of a tournament. However, in the two biggest tournaments last season, Heroes vs. Villains Invitational and USQ Cup, Heat lost in the finals to Texas Cavalry. With an autobid on the line, Heat must find a way to finish the biggest games.
Game to Watch: 9:20 a.m. vs. The Warriors

Texas Cavalry: Croissant
The reigning three-time national champion, Texas Cavalry is similar to the croissant. Croissants are a breakfast staple, can be savory or sweet, and are one of the most consistent pastries. One always knows what they are going to get with a croissant. This flaky food is unbeatable as a quick and tasty breakfast. Similarly, Cavalry has been the team to beat since their first national win. This team’s strength has always been its system. They play patient and disciplined quidditch. They use their zone to clog shooting lanes and force teams to drive on them on defense and spread the field on offense, waiting for their beaters to clear lanes for either a drive or a quick pass to one of their cutting chasers. Cavalry has always had the ability to win the biggest games on the biggest stages. However, the squad has already lost twice this season: to Heat and University of Texas. Cavalry must bounce back from those losses if they want to win the autobid for USQ Cup.
Game to Watch: 8:40 a.m. vs. Revolution.

The Warriors: Apple Turnover
The current Northeast Regoinal Club Champion, the Warriors are an apple turnover. Apple turnovers are portable pies filled with some variety of apple encased by some sort of pastry dough, such as a puff pastry or pie dough. While the makeup of an apple turnover can vary, fundamentally, they always are recognizable. This is similar to The Warriors. While they have added a variety of new players each season, their core identity has remained the same. This is due to the system they have established that relies a few key pieces and a very specific behind the scenes regimen. The Warriors are coming off their most successful season as a club and have already had a strong start to 2019-20. However, their games this season against teams ranked in The Eighth Man Top Ten have all been close, and they barely missed securing the first autobid of the season at the Oktoberfest Invitational earlier this fall. They went undefeated at the Northeast Club Circuit event, but did not receive an autobid due to only five attending teams. The Warriors must continue their positive trending against top ten opponents if they wish to succeed at Crescent City.
Game to Watch: 12:20 p.m. vs. Cavalry

Boom Train: Cream Horns
Currently one of the three undefeated teams in the nation, Boom Train can be compared to a cream horn. A cream horn is a pastry made by winding pastry strips around a conical mold. After baking, the pastry is filled with a spoonful of jam or fruit and whipped cream. Much like a cream horn, Boom Train has a strong mold for success. They also incorporate different elements from across the Midwest and Great Lakes, with players from Minnesota, Missouri and Illinois. Boom Train made the Final Four last season at USQ Cup and was the only non-Texas team to beat Cavalry (Heroes vs. Villains Invitational). However, the Train was derailed and shutout by that same team in the semifinals at USQ Cup 12. They will be looking to wipe clean that memory this weekend by securing wins against the best teams in the nation.
Game to Watch: 11:20 a.m. vs. Cavalry

Revolution: Donut
The currently snow-swept team from New England, Revolution is a donut. But not just any donut. A Dunkin Donut. This New England classic is fried, doughy and always best with strawberry glaze. Revolution is a new team on the block by USQ standards but is composed of the core of Quidditch Club Boston and the old RPI core—also known as the bulk of MLQ’s Boston Night Riders. Revolution typically runs set offenses based on moving the ball with quick passes and finding open cutters. This season, Revolution has had close games with a variety of opponents, including those outside of the top ten teams. They have also beaten teams in the top ten. In order to succeed at Crescent City, Revolution find a way to maintain consistency against all they face.
Game to Watch: 1 p.m. vs Heat

Diablos Quidditch Club: Cronut
The only team currently qualified for USQ Club Nationals, the Diablos Quidditch Club are similar to the cronut. The cronut is a cross between a croissant and a doughnut that was created in 2013. A relative new pastry, the cronut was an instant sensation. Similarly, the Diablos are the newest team at this tournament. They are made up of players from primarily Phoenix and Los Angeles, a combination of two traditional quidditch hubs. The Diablos are undefeated on the season, but recently played a snitch-range game against a relatively new Arizona Scorpions. The caliber of teams at this tournament will be higher than what the Diablos have seen thus far. Crescent City could allow this super team to establish themselves as a true contender.
Game to Watch: 12:20 p.m. vs. Twin Cities Quidditch Club

Lone Star Quidditch Club: Kolache
Lone Star Quidditch Club is clearly a kolache—the most Texas pastry out there. One never really knows what exactly they’re going to get with a kolache, and that’s Lone Star. The roster that is on the event page is not always the roster that is going to be at the event. There are many talented and athletic players on the Lone Star roster. However, the Texas team has already lost this season to opponents with stronger beaters. At a tournament with exceptional beaters, the Lone Star core will need to step up in a big way if they want to stay in games. For Lone Star, this tournament will be a test to see how they match up against the best club teams in the country.
Game to Watch: 2:20 p.m. vs. Revolution

Twin Cities Quidditch Club: Kringle
A true Midwestern stalwart, Twin Cities Quidditch Club is a kringle. A kringle is a traditional Danish pastry that consists of sheets of layered pastry in an oval and filled with fruit or nuts. Much like the kringle, Twin Cities has a rich history but has typically been less successful outside of the Midwest. Against teams at Crescent City, Twin Cities has yet to manage a victory. However, they currently have the second highest strength of schedule, gaining valuable experience against talented teams. This tournament will show how much that experienced has paid off.
Game to Watch: 9:20 a.m. vs. Lone Star

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